THIS IS NOT THE FINAL POSTING, so don’t get your hopes up. i just felt obligated to share this lovely story with you. 

so..

a few weeks ago my roommate was out of town….so what did i do? got trashed at the movie theater and went downtown alone, duh. and surprise, surprise…someone came home with me. granted, i told him that he could “walk me home, but not take me home.” whatever the fuck that means, i still woke up alone, covered in hickeys and blood. 

needless to say, having lunch with my father that day was an uncomfortable affair (despite having washed the dried blood off  my face and knotting a scarf around my neck). 

things i learned:

1. don’t be so rough, nosebleeds aren’t sexy

2. don’t chug wine. wine hangovers are a bitch

and the most gratifying thing of all:

3. cursing someone with blue balls is almost more fun that giving someone the wonderful gift of great sex