April 2011
1 post
i caved. and got a twitter. again →
March 2011
1 post
oops. tiny relapse.
THIS IS NOT THE FINAL POSTING, so don’t get your hopes up. i just felt obligated to share this lovely story with you.
so..
a few weeks ago my roommate was out of town….so what did i do? got trashed at the movie theater and went downtown alone, duh. and surprise, surprise…someone came home with me. granted, i told him that he could “walk me home, but not take me...
January 2011
35 posts
today is a sad day (for you, not me)
my dear friends, avid readers, and loyal followers,
after much deliberation, i have decided that i will no longer be posting for fu, propriety. yes, i know, this is probably going to ruin your life (or at least your week), but hear me out. the original premise of this blog was to detail the “sexcapades and misadventures of a reformed good girl”; while i will forever remain a freak in...
“Smart women love smart men more than smart men love smart women.”
– Natalie Portman (via loveanndbelovedd)
Anonymous asked: you go to UGA? what year are you and how do you like it? im trying to decide where i wanna go for college. thaaaanks
joellabella asked: Oh my god, I love love love your blog, new friend!
(why i wear a scarf downtown)
(304): You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
don't open in the library. or in front of your mom
hey guys (and i specifically mean readers with a penis), self-conscious about the size of your dick? well, check this out and realize that your life could be a lot worse. and for even more awkward laughs, this is another hysterical (albeit clothed) site about the male form.
WELL SHIT.
i-was-aborted:
When you add someone to a list on facebook they get a notification about it. Well, there goes my “cunts from school who I don’t want stalking me” limited profile list……
“If your attitude isn’t perfect your body better be.”
– Degrassi (via bitchimadinosaurr)
typical conversation
roommate: twat did you say?
me: ...
roommate: i cunt hear you..
me: ...
roommate: i have an ear infucktion.
Take your boner somewhere private.
I hate freshman bars. REALLY hate them. Especially the ones with dancing. I often get dragged to these foul establishments by my “friends.” I don’t care if you’re having a good time, I’m not. Yeah, that’s me- the scowling girl hoovering a rum and coke in the corner. Let me just share with you my extensive list of grievances: the shit spewing from the smoke machine is making my lungs and eyes burn....
this is the best day ever
After bartending for eight hours straight yesterday and making BANK, I came home to find my roommate playing monopoly of all things with some freshmen guys (we really need to look into finding some friends our own age). Its not like I was planning on prancing around in my new victoria’s secret bikini and eating nutella out of the jar or anything. Jeeze. Anyway, after checking facebook (no...
“Girls should only chase two things: drinks and dreams.”
– Cmb
The one time I bought fake coach in nyc...
Lots of terrified asians, some walkie talkies, a code word, and a legit hidden door were involved. Talk about an adventure.
IRONY!
“laid” is the french term for “ugly.” sorry, I just don’t think those two words belong in the same sentence
A friend recently described a hook-up session in which the sex was “fantastic.” I could only sigh in jealousy, as my sex life has all but withered away (at the rate I’m going, I could probably ask God for my v-card back). I remember the days (literally months ago) when I would skip home, a smug grin on my face and oxytocin coursing through my veins, to relay the events of my...
“S.I.N.G.L.E. - Stay Intoxicated Nightly, Get Laid Everyday”
– Aj gipson
(513): New Years Resolution for 2011: QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Metaphors are fun.
Despite all my carnal knowledge, there is something I can’t quite master- the art of ball fondling. SERIOUSLY. To me, a scrotum is like a newborn baby: small, weird looking, and utterly fragile. You’re like a proud parent with your junk, I get it. But please don’t ask me to hold it- I don’t want to be responsible for the damage I could cause.
Fuck chivalry
You know what I find annoying? When guys try and offer me their jacket. Thanks for the gesture, man, but -newsflash- I don’t need it. Yeah, it might be cold out. And yeah, I might be shivering, but that’s what fucking happens in winter when some skin is exposed. And let me just tell you, Mr. Nice-boy-with-an-agenda, I have a closet full of clothes and I could have easily put on a coat...
There is no better way to weed out the undesirables when at a bar than to wear six inch heels. If you are making eye contact with my nipples, I’m not interested
You know you're drunk when...
You have to pee so badly that you eye the cup on the floor in the corner if the elevator
“I ain’t cute…but I ain’t shy”
– Drunk old woman
December 2010
34 posts
life rule #3468
Not washing your hair before you go to the salon is like not brushing your teeth before you go to the dentist (rude and GROSS). I mean yeah, they’re gonna do it for you, but it’s simply common courtesy. And not tipping is like sleeping with a prostitute and not paying—HELLO! IT’S NOT A FUCKING FAVOR!
Dear Coke Talk: On not seeing the point. →
dearcoketalk:
He’s trying to get to know me, but I just want to fuck. Why do guys insist on going through this phase? I just don’t see a point unless you’re looking for something serious.
Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because you’re a beautiful and interesting human being worth knowing beyond your vagina who…
I’m gonna go with option b
the scoop
i got drunk the other night for the first time in a while (mostly because the last time i got wasted, i shot a gun and kissed someone i shouldn’t have), so it was great to pick up the bottle again and fall off the wagon get back on the horse. mixing booze and pot is not always the best plan for a night out on the town, but what can is say? i’ve been far too tame lately and...
“Men may have discovered fire, but women discovered how to play with it”
– Sex and the City (via fakeithenmakeit)
it's science →
well well well. my ring finger and index finger are the same length, i didn’t even have to do the math. who’s surprised? not me.
ohhh no.
i’m having lingering suspicions that emoticons in sext messaging is a precursor for babytalk in the bedroom. i pray this isn’t the case, but i’ll just have to test this theory fuck if i’m gonna deal with that bullshit again
“i’ve been in more laps than a napkin”
– mae west
